I just read my horoscope for 2012 and I gleaned this beautiful nugget: Life starts where your comfort zone ends. How awesome is that saying! And it’s fitting to to my current situation: having just quit my relatively stable job to do something stupid like move 200 miles away and start not one but three businesses. No savings. No unemployment benefits. Just my own sheer will and stubbornness. I’ve given myself until the end of January to start panicking. Until then, everyday is a gift that I will treat as a success…or at least try to. I have moments of panic every few hours though and then I just have to refocus and tell myself everything will be okay. It’s strange to realize just how much anxiety I carry around with me about going to work. I will be at the store or something and I will have this dread hit me like a ton of bricks, from out of nowhere, and I realize that it’s the “oh God, I have to go to work tomorrow” anxiety. And then I realize that I don’t have to go to work. I don’t have to be somewhere at a specific time, looking a specific way, in all sorts of horrible weather conditions, etc… and the anxiety slowly dissipates.
I have a lot to accomplish in my one month trial period. I have a workshop to plan, obviously. (Note to future self: I’ve decided that I completely loathe hanging up flyers so in the future I will not market anything that way. I think it’s because I detest driving, especially in traffic. I can’t stand it.) I hope to post more often. Every day if I can. I have a new apartment to make habitable and I would like to share that process with you. I want to start the Van Hazard line of rock inspired soaps; design and sell more bags and clothes; begin developing a few online workshops focusing on conflict resolution for business owners/human resources personnel and also conflict resolution for everyday life; connect with local farm animal sanctuaries and SPCAs to design animal-assisted conflict resolution workshops; and work on developing green burial services (more on that later). Oh and I definitely need to lose weight. Good god, I’m going to be looking like Brando and wearing moo moos in public soon (okay, I do that last part already). I’ve gained over 20 pounds in the past year. That’s nuts! So that is coming off and I will keep the world posted with how that is going. So there’s lots to do and lots of potential. I just have to simmer down and take it all one step at a time. But no matter what, I hope to document the entire disaster here for your reading pleasure.